Finding Healing during Covid-19
March 30, 2020
We are human beings filled with emotions running raw as we find our way through this quarantine time. And I must say, it is a doozy! We are now in week three and I am finally finding peace with myself. But before I share how peaceful I am, let’s start with week one and what my mind and heart have been struggling with.
Week one was a realization of excitement because I knew I would have my kids at home. I love hanging out with my kids. Initially I always wanted them home schooled. They bring me joy unlike any other and though they have their moments of Bickering and yelling mom endless times, I love it all. My greatest joy and blessing is being a mom and wife! So the idea of being quarantined did not threaten my day to day. What gave me the scares was how I was going to be of service to everyone else outside of my home.
Week one filled me with so much anxiety that I fell off the wagon with my practice, diet and binged on wine. Yes, little old me binging on wine!!!! What a sight. Made my husband happy too because there was more intimacy to be had and when am lit, I am a whole different kind of fun. Sharing too much? Well, that is the whole point of a blog! Lol. I released my fears to a whole other level that even I did not recognize. I was scared that I would not have work any more. I was scared that my husband would still work but not be safe because of his job and what it entails as a patrol officer. I was afraid for my friends, family members, colleagues, neighbors, There was so much noise going on in my head....Then, I had to make a yoga video for my clients. It was at that moment that I realized I was doing myself an injustice. Thank God I always have videos recorded and prepped for my own personal growth. Those are the ones I shared that week.
You want authenticity and truth? This is it! My raw and candid divulgence.
I take my journey in life and growth seriously. My soul purpose is to be my best version and leave this world better than I found it. So I took a good look in the mirror and checked myself real fast!!!! So many mixed emotions!!!!!!!!
What now? I thought...well, I decided to stop drinking for a few days and reflect! Got back to meditating and practicing. I then realized that my purpose was not to be the rescue teacher but instead start small. Perhaps with my kids, husband and myself.
I received clarity by standing still and doing what I know. Loving thyself! Loving me by listening to the still small voice within! Day by day! Meditation, practicing yoga, eating well, praying, playing with the kids, school work, engaging conversation with my husband, snuggling, hot baths... I did only what my spirit desired for my highest good!
Week two was filled with compassion and forgiveness for myself. Compassion in the sense that we all process things on our own time and in our own way.
Quarantine is a process that needs time. And deserves that time to process whatever gratitude, disappointments, highs or lows, you may have in your friendships, family matters, employment, etc. All these factors though meaningful, are also meaningless in the same breathe compared to the love you deny yourself. Finding healing for yourself.
Loving yourself is an acknowledgement of your appreciation for the God within. The image of God! God’s grace is what guides us and sustains us!
Week three, I am at peace with what is! I am at peace with Who I am! Whether I have the answers or not, I am at peace with that! Because God is!
Give yourself permission to feel and speak on it. Whether resolving conflict with your kids or with your partner or family members because we are couped in, speak on it. write it in your journey if that helps. And then forgive.
Whether you receive the redemption you are looking for or not during this time of reflection, know that everyone’s journey looks different. Everyone is responsible for their own stuff!
Move fourth with intention and kindness, and no expectation! This creates freedom. Freedom from looking outward for anything from any one. This time of uncertainty shall pass!
It is my hope that my transparency gives you permission to say, sh*t, I better wake up and look at my own stuff! I better do right by me and others, so I too can heal! And if anyone in your immediate circle has it worse than you, send them prayers filled with positive vibes and continue being kind and patient.